Sharing my adventures, thoughts and occassional jokes. Sorting through laundry, and a little bit of life…This is How I Train My Dragons…

Just Another Wrinkle From Time

In the last couple of weeks, I have read a few really good and inspiring blogs and Facebook updates written by and about women. About our appearance, weight and just over all body image.

My favorite of these blogs, was a woman writing about how she doesn’t mind her sons seeing her naked because she wants them to see what a body of a real woman looks like…not the modified versions in magazines. I love that!! And it really got me thinking about how hard I am on my own body and the way I think about it.

I remember being mortified when Emaleigh first noticed my stretch marks. Yeah, unfortunately I’m not one do those lucky women who’s skin shrunk right back to where it was pre-baby. When she was about 2 1/2 years old she walked into the room when I was changing and said, “Oooooooh Mommy! I like the color of your tummy!” I asked her what she meant and she sweetly replied, ” You have stripes!” Yes. Yes I do. All the Vitamin E in the world will ever change that.

Although that was probably the nicest way that an almost 3 year old could point out my flaw…it kind of hurt. I will never look like Pre-Baby-Caiti again. But, I soon realized it’s not a flaw at all. It’s me and it’s what I’ve been through.

But lately, I have realized that it’s not even my body that I am the hardest on.

Sometimes I catch myself looking through old pictures and noticing how young I looked. My face looked so soft and smooth! I know that sounds silly since I’m only 32 years old…but the Caiti then looks way different from the Caiti now. But, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, right?

A few months back, Ray and I were headed to church (he was driving) and I opened up the visor mirror. For some reason, those mirrors seem to magnify everything! Even my nose hairs were magnified! (Too much?) I immediately noticed and began nit picking every little thing on my face. I slightly moved my mouth and noticed a huge wrinkle on the side…right where I smile. I moved it over and over to make sure it really was there for good, and sure enough it’s not going anywhere. I pointed it out to Ray and his response is what made me begin to start looking at all of my “flaws” differently.

“Honey, I love that line on your face. You know why? Because it only shows up when you laugh or smile!”

Wow. Let me just say, that is one of the many reasons I love my husband. It was then that I realized not all of the lines (wrinkles) on my face are something to be ashamed of. Or something that needs to be hidden with concealer and powder.

You see, that line was formed from the time that I smiled so hard when I first met my kids. And the time that Ray made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants (I said almost). And, maybe all of the times that I have smiled and laughed with countless friends and family.

Being happy is the reason for that “wrinkle”. So, if that’s the price I have to pay… I’ll pay it 1,000 times over.

Oh and the sun spots under my eyes? Those are from the many hours playing outside with my family. That was fun.

The lines under my eyes? I remember many late nights holding and rocking my babies to sleep…that’s where those came from.

The scar on my forehead that I conceal with makeup (and even cut bangs to help hide it)? Yeah, that wasn’t so fun, but it’s part of who I am.

I’m ready to quit looking at my wrinkles, gray hair and stretch marks with such a negative attitude. Every single mark tells a story. My story.

As women, we tend to judge each other on appearance. Why?
We are all different. It would be a pretty bland, boring world if we all looked the same.
Let us all just be comfortable in our own skin! Embrace what we once thought were “flaws” and just love ourselves. Our bodies are amazing, it’s time to recognize that.

So, the next time you start being a little hard on your face (or any other part of your body) remember what special times brought you those marks.


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Nineteen Eighty Eight


Wow. 1988.

Twenty-six years ago I was having the time of my life in Disneyland.
It was my first ever family vacation and it was something that I am able to look back on and just smile. This trip embodied many “firsts for me”…

We took a road trip. This might explain why I love road tripping with my own family now. Anyway, with this trip we traveled to Nevada, Arizona and California. It’s kind of funny the small details that I remember of this trip, but then they were huge to me.

We drove through Nevada and we stopped at Circus Circus. I’m not even sure if that place is even around anymore, but I toted a sweet pink Circus Circus fanny pack for the longest time. Loved that thing. That was my first time in Vegas. First (and probably last) fanny pack? Score.

Back in the motor-home we celebrated my Grandma’s birthday. She stood there opening presents as we travelled down the road. I couldn’t tell you what she got, but I can still hear the rustle of the paper as she opened her gift. I glanced up at her and saw a smile that could light up a room. We were together.

We got to Disneyland. The very first thing I remember is walking up to the ticket gate. My mom was walking (and videotaping as in VHS) and she walked right into the brothers and I laughed so hard. And yes, it’s recorded.
Laughter. I remember a lot of laughter.

I remember riding a ride that I didn’t necessarily want to so I pretended to fall asleep. My mom held me tight…I remember begging my dad not to spin the tea cups too fast because I was a weenie. I think he then rode with my brothers so he could spin fast.

I remember It’s A Small World being my favorite ride and almost being in tears because I loved it so much.

We watched a parade that night and I remember Oliver and Company was the big movie at that time so all of the characters were dancing on a float. Man, I’m getting old!

I remember going to Sea World, Knotts Berry Farm and Universal Studios. I thought I was going to get swallowed by a tsunami and eaten by King Kong at Universal so I try to block that out. My mom was super pumped to get her picture taken by Tom Selleck and his Magnum P.I car. (Don’t worry mom, I won’t post that picture)

Then we went to the ocean.

I remember screaming. No, I wasn’t scared, just incredibly excited. Literally, I screamed the entire time…and it wasn’t a “oh I was so cute!” scream, it was a “why didn’t someone tell me to zip it?” scream. (Seriously…we have a video of it.)

I was 6. It was the first time I had ever seen an ocean and it was HUGE! I can remember drawing in the sand and I looked back and saw my dad in his jeans and tennis shoes. It was November, but that didn’t stop me and my brothers from getting barefoot and running (and screaming…lots of screaming) through the sand and letting the salt water splash our legs.

The end of our trip was celebrating Thanksgiving with our family in Arizona. Being grateful. That’s what it’s all about right? Family, friends and just being together.

I remember lots of things. But none of them were what I got that trip (except the fanny pack). All of my memories are of how I felt. The laughter, smiles, screams (oh the screaming) and all of the fun that I had with my family back in November 1988. I can only hope that Ray and I are able to create some of the same memories for our own kids now.

In 1988, I learned that it’s not about how much money is spent or what I had and didn’t have. I learned that what is important, is how much TIME we spend together.
So let me just say…Invest in your kids! It is something you will never regret spending! (You might regret the fanny pack.)




That Feeling…

The first Sunday of every month, our church calls Worship Sunday. It’s where our kids stay with us for the worship portion of church. I love this. It gives our kids a sense of what worship (with music) is like.

Today was Worship Sunday. And for me, it was one I’ll never forget.

My son, Elijah, stood in front of me for all 3 songs.
You see, he is my snuggler. He is 8 years old and still never flinches to hold my hand. In parking lots, down the hall at school, and today at church. Standing in front of me, he held my hands around his neck the whole time. Well, actually not the whole time. He started off clapping, but I think he quickly got frustrated because he couldn’t get the beat (definitely got the rhythm genes from me). So, he held my hands. He held my hands so tightly to his chest that I could distinctly feel his heartbeat the whole time.

It wasn’t until the second song, that I felt it. I could feel Elijah worshipping God.

Let me explain. Since he was standing in front of me, I couldn’t hear him singing. The only thing I could feel was the vibrations of his voice on his chest, and his sweet heartbeat acting like the metronome…keeping beat for him.

As hard as I am trying to explain it, it was almost an indescribable feeling that came over me. I have felt the presence of God during worship before. You know, that peace that just comes into the room? But today it was different…

I could feel the presence of The Lord...through my son. His son.

If we just open our eyes, open our hearts, and allow God to enter…it is then we will feel Him. Even when we don’t know it…He is there.

He is here. He is all around us. He is the whisper in our ear. The nudge at our back.

That’s Him.

The amazing feeling I had today. Remembering that He is in our kids…we just need to help them to allow Him to make a home there…in their hearts.
All you have to do, is look into the eyes of your child…or any child…and that’s HIM.




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