mrsmomdragon

Sharing my adventures, thoughts and occassional jokes. Sorting through laundry, and a little bit of life…This is How I Train My Dragons…

More Than A Scrolling Name

Guys. I know you all already know, but I graduate in 43 days. Forty. Three. Days. Holy cow!

It seems like just yesterday that I was trying to get all of my paperwork in order to get back in school. All of those presentations I whined about, I got through them. All of those late nights studying, I got through them. All of those group projects (cringe), I got through those too. All of those boxes of chocolate that helped me study…oh, I got through those just fine.

Well, today, I got an email about my name being on the “ticker” at Monfort College of Business. When I read the email, I immediately starting crying. It wasn’t like a cute sniffle-here-sniffle-there kind of cry…I was UGLY crying in the Walmart parking lot. I remember a few friends of mine whose name I would see on this ticker around graduation, and I couldn’t help but feel so excited for them! Image-1Then, I would think, “man, I can’t wait to see my name up there”…somewhat wondering in the back of my head if I would ever really make it. As I sat in my van today, reflecting on these last few years of my life, I realized why I was crying. It wasn’t just because I was happy, I was crying because I felt a sense of pride.  I feel like (other than birthing 3 beautiful children) this is the first time where I am actually accomplishing something great for myself. Yes, graduating high school was an accomplishment and all that jazz…but to go back to college, at 33 years old, with a husband and 3 kids at home, being scared to death, stepping outside of my comfort zone, learning so many things about myself…that is an amazing accomplishment for myself. I don’t like to toot my own horn, but I am excited.  I can honestly say to myself, “Caiti, you did it!”

I can’t wait to walk into the MCB and see my name scroll across that ticker. It seems a little silly to type that out, but my name up there encapsulates all of those late nights, tears, papers, melt downs, projects, and presentations. I did it.

If any of you ever doubt yourself with anything you have going on, can I please encourage you? Nothing is going to happen overnight. Just keep swimming. Keep moving forward. Keep pushing. Keep on keepin’ on. The rest will fall into place, and one day you’ll be able to look back and say, “Wow, I did it!”

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62 Days

When I left UNC back in 2004, I honestly never saw myself going back. Of course, when people asked, I would always give them the cookie cutter answer of, “I only have about 42 credits to finish…of course I’ll go back”…”I’ve come too far to not finish!”  But, deep down I knew that I would never go back. You see, once we had Emaleigh, my heart instantly changed. EVERYTHING I did was now for Ray and for Em. My dreams of going to college quickly vanished because my dream of becoming a mother had come true. (And I was completely ok with that)

A few years later, we had Elijah and luckily, when he was born, I was able to stay at home full time with my kids. Fast forward five years and Eydan was born; our 3 E’s and our life is complete.

Looking back over the last (almost) 13 years as a mom, I couldn’t have ever imagined a more important job to be trusted with. But now, as they are growing older and more independent by the day, I have realized it’s time to find a little bit of myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I have never lost myself in motherhood, I have just always been the type to put everyone else before me and I think that’s kind of par for a mom in general. I love taking care of others, but I have realized in the last few years that it’s also important to take care of myself and remind myself there is nothing wrong with that.

I realized the importance of that when I watched Ray across the graduation stage a few years ago. That’s when I decided, “it’s my turn!” Holy cow was that a hard decision to make, but it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. Eydan was starting preschool, so technically all kids were in school. So, as you all know, I went back to college.

There have been days that I have wanted to quit. I missed a field trip. I couldn’t pick them up from school. I had to study while everyone watched a movie. I wanted to stay home with them on a Monday because they don’t have school. I was at the library studying when all I wanted to do is be home with my family.

I’m not going to lie…some days have just sucked. But you know what I’ve learned? Nothing that’s worth it ever comes easy! Just like when Ray was in school, as a family, we have had to make sacrifices. But you know what else is cool? My kids and husband are so unbelievably understanding and supportive because they know it’s something important to ME. They believe in me, and that is what has kept me going.

Being a wife and a mother has allowed me to learn to much about myself…yet, that’s not all I am. Although those two titles are the most important titles I have ever held, I can’t let them define me. Becoming a student again, I have also learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned what I’m capable of…not as a mother, but as Caiti. When I enrolled 2 years ago, it seemed like such a long road ahead and I had so much doubt in my head.

So.  Much.  Doubt.

But guess what? I graduate in 62 days. 62!! That, once seeming impossible, long road has turned into so much more than just becoming a college graduate. Although I might not be great at it, I have had to learn how to find some serious balance in my life. I have hated every single presentation, but have allowed myself to grow through each one. Each step of the way I have gained a little more confidence in myself and my favorite part of this is my family has been my cheering section through it all!

As a mother, I constantly have to remind myself that it’s not selfish to think of myself first every once in a while. I know that I am not alone in this! If you have a dream in your heart…go for it. I can’t wait to walk across that stage in 62 days, look out into the stands and see my kids sitting there, and know that it was all worth it.

God knows what He’s doing.  He knew I would struggle with missing a few things at home. He knew I’d cry the night before a presentation. He knew I was exhausted at times, but knew I could push myself further. He knew I would forget to put dinner in the crockpot before I left for class. He knew I would get behind on reading. He knew I would overbook cakes the week of finals. He knew I would have a mental breakdown at least once a semester. He knew I would hate to be called out in class. He knew all of the things that would make this difficult…but, He also knew that all of this would be worth it in the end. He knew I’d learn a lot about Caiti, and I did.

62 days.

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mrsmomdragon

Sharing my adventures, thoughts and occassional jokes. Sorting through laundry, and a little bit of life...This is How I Train My Dragons...